lonely

I'll have to admit that lately I have been feeling pretty lonely. I should seriously get my ass on working on end of the year papers and what not, but I can't get myself to. I just feel so empty and lonely and alone. I am trying not to get too attached to people who seem to, well, people I seem to be regularly speaking with simply because people lead to disappointment and I just don't think I am in any shape to face any kind of disappointments right now. I don't know. It just sucks that here I am as usual, seeking connection and finding a great big vast nothingness. I wish I didn't feel so alone. I mean, I often think of just going to bed to not have to deal with it. I hate it. I don't know. I have stupid work tomorrow. I hope it goes by pretty fast. At least I got paid today, my shift got cancelled yesterday, I got my sources for my essay, I know my tax return this year is pretty good and soon, winter will be over. I hope I cheer up a little when summer is here. I still miss Cody though. But I don't think we'lll ever talk again. I think I've finally reached that point when I am able to turn away and occasionally take a peek without being seen. I will miss him. I know I am a romantic and although I have ambitions in life, I do want a career and success, I know deep down, I seek love and connection most of all. When Cody and I were together and happy, I seriously felt like I finally had it all. I would wake up feeling like I had everything. It was the best. I think I'm just going through a lonely phase since I haven't being partying much anymore and I realize how much time I spend just alone and on my own and as much as I enjoy my own company, all this solitude is slowly driving me insane and sad.