Poisons!!!

I need to get rid of poisons in my life. I need to detox so badly! Right now, facebook is a huge poison and I want to get rid of it forever! Well, not forever. Maybe I hate some people I see on it and it's best not to be on that site. It bothers me. Grr. Well let's face it, it makes me feel bad about myself and my life because it makes me feel empty. So I need to stay away from it. It's toxic and fake.

Today was sort of not a great day. I can't believe it! One second in the subway, I'm looking at my cell phone to check the time. The moment I get out, it's gone! What the fuck?! Did I drop it? Did it fall out of my jacket pocket? Did I stupidly put it on the seat beside me? Did it fall out of my lap? Did someone grab it from my bag? Grr! Oh well. I can't believe how it was gone in a snap! Seriously! So I called the cell phone company and cancelled my account- entirely. It was too much anyways! I hate Bell Canada.

Fuck you, Bell Canada! First off, here are my complaints about Bell Canada:

1. Calling a plan the "Uber-25" plan, fuck that! More like the "25 with nearly double the hidden fees plan" - actual cost: $40.20 per month.

2. I asked them "Can I use a phone card on the cell phone to make long distance calls and would the phone card function like any other phone card on a regular phone, meaning I won't actually be charged long distance because I am using a phone card?" What do they say "Well, yes, that should be no problem." Actual cost: $293!!!! On my next bill! Fuck you Bell Canada. Of course, I had to pay it off 'cause those motherfuckers at Bell misinformed me! Fuckers!

3. So today, I decided grrr, I'll take losing my cell phone as a sign that I should cancel the stupid plan altogether. I don't use all my minutes anyways and my social life is so non-existent that I really don't need a cell phone. I call them to take care of the issue immediately, ironically from a Bell payphone, and say I want to cancel. They did say I had another option where I could have money put towards a new phone, but let's not fall for anymore Bell Canada bullshit! So I cancel my account, actual cost: $40.20 for this month's bill plus $150 cancellation fee! Motherfuckers! Up your ass Bell Canada, you guys suck! I hear Telus is way better. I know others too who have complained about Bell Canada fucking everything up and being misleading and how the bills are always so fucking big compared to how the plan explains them. Fuck you Bell Canada!

So now, I am pissed. I am glad I have cancelled the plan. My experience with Bell Canada was garbage. I lost a lot of money. I was misinformed and that cost me. I lost my cell phone and that's my own fault, but whatever, I needed to cancel altogether anyways and the cancellation fee is just Bell Canada's way of fucking you over one last sweet time so they can get some more money. Bunch of fuckers.

My advice: Go anywhere but Bell Canada. Bad customer service. Don't know what they're talking about!

I think IF I ever want a cell phone, I'll go with a pay as you go plan or Telus because their customers seem way happier and their plans seem better. I also got pissed when my dad told me their was a letter from Bell and he asked if I was paying my bills; the hell I was! I was working just to pay my bill, which no one knows! But anyways, my dad said to make sure I kept on top of things because it would give me a bad credit history. The letter was dated from last month and said that if they did not receive my payment (which I already paid them at the bank!), that they'd have to put my account in collections. Well they've collected my payment so I can disregard their crap now and I know I'll have enough to throw at their dumbass faces when my next two invoices arrive.

So yeah things I hate: Bell Canada, facebook, people from high school, doing number 2 in public washrooms, walking on a slippery sidewalk that has not been iced, feeling like I wasted something cough- money.

Things I like: peace, quiet, myself, some good friends, my room, clothes, looking good, shopping alone, getting good marks, saving my money.

Lately, I spend a lot of time thinking about money. I am so struggling to make ends meet! But I am okay so far I think. I am going to see the Spice Girls concert next month so I am excited for that. Oh and tomorrow is my last day at my retail job, hurray! I am so glad it'll be over and that my shift is only four hours long! Yey! Plus I get a paycheque from there too, yey!

This weekend:
Sat:
-work
-take out garbage in my room
-return library books
-read Field of Honor
-Linguistics homework
-read Chaucer, catch up on readings
-Old English homework

Sun:
-put away stuff that needs to be recycled
-put in garage stuff for donation
-laundry
-organize drawers
-vaccuum

I NEED TO DETOX MY LIFE AND GO INTO SECLUSION.
I want to be alone.
I need to be alone.
I need to know that it is okay to be by myself.
I need to know that it is okay to not be partying and spending time quietly, alone, is okay.
I need to know that this means I'll be saving so much more: I'll be saving money, I'll be saving myself from inconvenience (ie. driving home drunk friends, babysitting drunk friends, feeling pushed to buy drinks for broke people at parties), I'll be saving myself tension (with the parents because I know it does bother them when I come home at 5am), I'll be saving myself time (I could be studying, cleaning, detoxifying).
I need to be good to myself. I need to take care of myself. I need to maintain and re-invent myself. I bought three tops lately; all of which are a little bit classy. I like that. Actually, I only bought one of the three because the other two were purchased via gift card. Thanks Ben!
I also bought this nail care kit for $50. Expensive I know, but I love the product! And I want nice nails to reflect how I maintain myself. My nails are unhealthy right now but I am paying more attention to detail. If I had more money, I would have loved to buy the body scrub and body butter. Mmm, nice. Products from Israel, the Dead Sea, rare minerals, very good!
I want to go places by myself more and know it's okay. I want to explore hidden stores, hidden boutiques, book stores, cafes.
I want to get great marks. I want to focus on school.
I want to be that beautiful girl who is all by herself. She looks pretty, well-maintained, alone but not lonely. I think I almost am that girl. I think I am sort of a loner. I don't know if I'll ever have a social life again, but I think I don't want much of one. I think I sort of want to be my own best friend. But of course, I do want my friends. But right now, I find it peaceful to be on my own. I only have me to deal with.
I want to start packing a lunch. It would save me money! I want to maybe get a second job. I want to enjoy myself, and maybe more by myself.
After a while, when weeks pass since I've last gone out to party, I get used to the quiet. It becomes the norm. When I do party though, I think I want to go all out, but I will party rarely.

So in the end, I want to be on my own. Keep to myself. Love myself. Rid myself of poisons. Explore other possibilities that interest me. New jobs, new opportunities, internships and if I really feel like it, new people :p I need to work within myself. My second revolution is a quiet one. I think I am going to like this. I feel beauty, simplicity, independence, individuality, serenity, quiet discovery, soft excitement. This is another kind of adventure. Another phase in the journey. Let's see where it takes us.